Undecided

every-day-is-the-same:

I see pictures of my friends happy…. without me.

i know that feeling too well.

Its a really long story. But ill go for it. Ever since i can remember my parents have hated each other. My dad let me do whatever, making my mom hate me due to jealousy. Then my dad started telling me i was too loud so now I’m just a really quiet person, and i think everyone’s gonna hate me if i talk. Then all my “best friends” turned against me when i needed them most. None of the people i went to school with ever talked to me except like 4 girls. And I’ve always been a little chubby and i was teased a lot for it. I feel like no ones ever gonna love me. I’m almost crying. D: Earlier last night i basically let go of my “best friends” cause they really didn’t care about me, and i feel great about it now, but i know I’m gonna miss them no matter how badly they talked about me behind my back. I’m just really complicated deep down inside, and you’re the only one who I’ve been able to open up to so far, so thank you. :J

I am an introvert. That means that when I’m feeling down, chances are that I won’t actually go to you for help. In fact, I won’t go to anyone for help. You’ll have to actually check on me. I don’t feel that I should burden others with my problems but if you come to me, I might just trust you enough to let you help.

Sometimes at night I suddenly become aware of all the things I’m missing out on right now, and all the people who I’m not close to anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who meant the world to me who have forgotten about me forever, and I get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.